Tact is for people who aren't witty
enough to be sarcastic.

Sarcasm: Just one more service I offer.

Criticism: Just one more service I offer.

Why do people with closed minds
always open their mouths?

Talk is cheap until you hire a lawyer.

I'm retired, but I work part time as a pain in the butt.

Good morning is an oxymoron.

I don't suffer from laziness.
I enjoy every minute of it!

Keep Staring.
You never know. . .I might just do a trick.

If I got smart with you,
how would you know?!

Don't make me have to get my flying monkeys.

I just haven't been the same since
that house fell on my sister.

Did the wizard ever get back to you
about that brain?

We're not quite the brightest crayon in the box,
now are we?!

If you're happy and you know it. . .
See a shrink. . .

Whatever hits the fan will be evenly distributed.

I can only make one person happy each day.
I pick me.

Stupidity is not a crime,
so you're free to go. . .

Let me guess. . .
You're parents are cousins.

Do your owners know you're out without your leash?

Some days it's not even worth chewing through the restraints.

Why suffer in silence
when I can moan, whimper & complain?!

As a matter of fact. . .
. . .the world does revolve around me!

Just be happy I'm not a twin.

I may be wrong,
but I doubt it.

Everything I say is fully
substantiated by my own opinion.

I do know all the rules.
The rules just don't know me.

I do know all the answers,
but I've been sworn to secrecy.

Everyone is entitled to my opinion.

Just build a bridge
and get over it!

Cancel my subscription.
I am over your issues!

Your wheel is spinning,
but the hampster's not moving!

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